Ayin Tova: To See The Good

I spent part of the morning in our eldest daughter’s 4th grade classroom with other parents and grandparents.  Each student/parent/grandparent team told the class of their family origin… we all came from some where other then America!  I listened as the stories unfolded.. there were Holocaust survivors, people born in DP camps, people who came from Italy, Russia, Poland, Israel, Ukraine etc.  Everyone  had a story and I was once again brought back to feeling grateful and in awe of our People’s history, our perseverance and strength.  I was reminded of the hard work and sacrifices made by those who came before us so that we could have a better life.   And the only way I can repay them for all that they gave us, is to help ‘pay it forward’ and try to instill values of family, good deeds, optimism, perseverance, inner-strength and more in my children.

On the last Shabbat of our Jewish New Year, I will think about what values I hold dear and will talk with the kids about what it means to live a ‘good life’.  I will ask them to describe what a “good life”means to them and they will not be allowed to use the words: itouch, ipad, computer or TV… 🙂  I’ll let you know how it goes.  !

Shana Tova u’Metukah~Blessings for a good and sweet New Year.

It is 10:55 pm and i just came home from work.  Between appointments and teaching high school students today, I called the kids to check in.  I spoke with the girls and then my 1st grade son got on the phone.  He was in the middle of doing his homework and in his particular way, asked me to wait with him on the phone while he did his homework.  He told me not to speak to him.  He would speak to me first, when he finished writing his last word for the assignment.  I agreed.  So I waited.  After 12 minutes of silence, I called his name.  He ignored me.  I waited……

Then finally I heard, “Mom! Mom! Are you there?! Still There?!”  And I said “I am here.  I love you.  How was your day?”
While my appointment waited for me to finish the call, I found out about his day.

I noticed on this, the 22 day of Elul, that when I practice turning to the Light within me, I can be present when Light within someone else is ready to call my name.  Blessings of Teshuva.

The question:  “What would it be like to feel strong, powerful and ‘okay’ or ‘good enough’ for most of your day/evening?”  
A good question asked by a good friend.
I am going think about my answer for a bit.  I want to collect and hold close all those moments of feeling strong and take ’em all in.

Elul 20~A day for turning to our truest self by recalling all those moments when we felt strong and good.

When I first went to Israel I climbed mountains in the Negev desert for three weeks.  I was 16.  If I had known that mountain climbing was to be part of my Israel experience, I would never have gone. Seriously.  On one climb in particular, I was having great difficulty.  I was hot, annoyed and thirsty. I was tired, self conscious and concerned that I would not be able to complete the ascent.
I was thrilled when we finally reached the summit for I knew that I wouldn’t have any trouble climbing down the mountain.  That was always the easy part.  The worst was over, or so I thought…until Yossi, our guide showed me the rope that I had to use to repel down.  “Just hold on to the rope and repel” he demanded.   I approached the mountain cliff and looked down at my friends who all seemed to have no problem following directions.  They looked like ants.  I will spare you the details of my fierce determination to NOT leave the mountain.  Eventually of course I took the rope from the Yossi.
I remember the moment the rope was fully in my hands and I was on my own.  I lowered myself down to meet friends who were cheering me on and it was the first time in days that I allowed myself to see how beautiful my surroundings were. It was the first time that day that I felt present to what was  happening to me.  I felt strong and good.  And it was the first time I remember feeling held by a Power greater then myself.  My first step down that mountain was a leap of faith.
Our courageous actions stay with us through out our lifetime. In a sense they alter our DNA. We take the trials we have overcome with us where ever we go and they help sustain us and guide us.   Doing teshuva affords us an opportunity to reflect on moments when we felt strong and acted with courage.

At some point in our lives, we have all taken a ‘leap of faith’.  May Elul 17 remind us of these times and may they continue to carry us from strength to strength.

There is a well-known parable in the name of Rabbi Chayim of Zans:  A man was lost for several days in the forest and didn’t know which path to take.  He finally sees another man approaching. He is filled with joy and excitement because now he finally thinks he will be able to find the way out. So he asks, “Brother, show me the way out, which is the right way?” And the man replies, “Brother, I too am lost.  I can only tell you this, do not take the paths I have taken, they have only led me astray.  Now let us look for a new way together.” 


The month of Elul is a time to reflect on how far deep into the forest we find ourselves.  Are we walking alone–getting lost in our own thoughts and realities?  Do we allow ourselves the gift of admitting we are lost? Are we blind to others who might be extending their hand to help us find our way.  Likewise, maybe someone is waiting for us to offer a way out from the loneliness of wandering.  Are we offering our hand in friendship and trust?   


Elul is a time to reflect on how deep into the forest we are.  It is a time to reflect on moments when we have felt lost during the year but also to remember and acknowledge those who have extended their hands and helped us find our way.   


Elul 16 is a day of gratitude for good friends who walk with us no matter what and who love us just the way we are!

For the last several years now  I have opened one of our Rosh Hashana worship services with a meditation called Hineni, by Rabbi Rami Shapiro.   It  speaks of ‘showing up’ to teshuva and is a beautiful gift to have read today.   Amazing how each year the same meditation can mean such different things to a person.

Hineni by Rabbi Rami Shapiro

Hineni.  Here I am.
A little bit nervous, a little bit self conscious.
After all, whom am I talking to?
And what have I done?
Am I a sinner in search of grace
or a saint seeking salvation?
Am I so evil
or so good
as to warrant this season of introspection?
And yet here it is, and here I am:
this time of change and correction.
this heart of confusion and contrition.
Oh, if I could change!
If I could be so sure of myself
that I no longer had to imagine the sights of others;
to be so loving of myself
that I no longer had to ration my loving of others;
to be so bold with myself
that I no longer had to fear the bravery of others.
Oh, if I could change
there is so much I would change.
Maybe I will, but it scares me so.
Maybe I won’t and that should scare me more,
But it doesn’t.
So let me pray just this:
Let no one be put to shame because of me.
Wouldn’t that make this a wonderful year?
Hineni. Here I am.

May this 15th day of Elul be filled with possibility, openness and risk-taking.

Turning takes effort.  It is hard to turn, to repent, to connect even for one day–let alone an entire month.  We are now at the half way point in the month of Elul and I find that inspiration is useful to stay the course…. Today I turned to this psalm and this melody by Yosef Karduner. 


Psalm 121: Shir HaMaalot–A Song for ascents.


I turn my eyes to the mountains; from where will my help come from?
My help comes from the Eternal, Maker of heaven and earth.
God will not let your foot give way; you guardian will not slumber;
See, the guardian of Israel neither slumbers nor sleeps!
The Eternal is your guardian, The Eternal is your protection at your right hand.
By day the sun will not strike you, nor the moon by night.
The Eternal will guard you from all harm; God will guard your life. 
The Eternal will guard your going and coming now and forever.  (JPS, adapted)


Shir Hamalot/Psalm 121  by Yosef Karduner. 

Today I went to one of the 9/11 Commemoration Events in our Area.

The commemoration was about bringing light out of darkness.  It was about healing and comforting those in need and it was about taking pride in the building blocks of this country–democracy, freedom and justice.   Today was about community and people of all faiths, beliefs & traditions coming together to honor and recognize our indefatigable spirit.  Today was a blessed reminder to give thanks, to live each moment fully, and to return to pursing the timeless values of justice and freedom.

If you are interested… here’s the invocation I offered.  Before I began, I sounded the Shofar.